The difference between ego and self-esteem lies in our ability to look inward for our value
Developing authentic self-esteem is REALLY hard work to reach, but extremely valuable once you do. How do I know it’s REALLY hard? I work with professional athletes and Olympians each week. By all standards they are in the top 1% of all humans on earth in the profession/sport – incredibly competent and successful. But once they reach that level it is easy to get caught comparing all over again. “Where do I compare within this 1%?” They are now looking outward to validate their value.
Our goal is to identify deeply with what they truly value about their work-ethic, their successes, their moments of setback and how they responded to it, their growth, their ability to push to total exhaustion, recover, and get up and do it again, what they’ve provided for themselves and others, and what they still want to improve on.
So, Self-Esteem is the sense of worth and satisfaction that comes from self-awareness. It is based on our ability to have an honest and reasonable assessment of our own achievements, abilities, knowledge, and possessions. When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel authentically content with who you are and what you've accomplished, completely independent of how others are doing. When you choose to still want to improve something it is based on what you value and NOT because you think others will value it. Your confidence and self-worth are solidly rooted in your personal growth and the fulfillment of your own standards and values, and not in comparison to others.
While Ego, on the other hand, is the part of the self that seeks validation and self-worth by comparing oneself to others. However, when driven by ego, you may feel good about your achievements, abilities, knowledge, or possessions, but only as long as you perceive them to be superior to those of others. Ego-driven satisfaction is fragile and depends on external recognition of being "better" than those around you. This leads to feelings of insecurity, envy, or arrogance, as your sense of worth is tied to comparisons and external validation rather than a true appreciation of your own core-values.
In essence, self-esteem is stable and self-sustaining, while ego is conditional and dependent on how you measure up against others. Invest time in self-reflection, writing out your core-values, and recognizing what your internal narrative is telling you. The best way to do this is with a skilled professional. Good luck in your journey!
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Stuart Singer, M.Ed., and PsyD is the Director of WellPerformance, a Mental Performance Coaching and Consulting practice, and the creator of the DoSo app https://t.co/R61vbpda4X . For more information regarding this topic, he can be contacted at ssinger@wellperformancecoach.com or follow him on X: @wellperformance, or Instagram: @wellperformance
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